You know its been a successful parenting day when your voice is hoarse from all of the
yelling super calm, reasonable parenting chats you’ve had with your children. Right? I mean are everyone else’s summer days going as squeaky clean as mine? Your kids aren’t arguing or teasing one another? Pushing you to the brink of your sanity? Good. I’m glad that kind of nonsense doesn’t go on for you either.
But seriously, what am I doing wrong? I’d say everyone spent as much time in timeout as they did outside their rooms today. So it’s definitely not for lack of consistency. This mama is a huge fan of that, if nothing else.
Also “summer brain” for my kids = a whole new level of, I’m not sure, laziness? Stupidity? Case and Point.
“Son – you left your towel and dirty clothes on the floor in my bathroom. Clean them up now!”
Beautifully done. Am I right? #rage
They also know I’m desperate for quiet and order. So they’re quick to offer bribes. “Mom can we have *Poparts? I’ll listen better! I won’t tease anymore!” yada yada yada. And like a sucker for 8 year old reasoning, and delectable nutritious pastries, I say “Yes, just this once”. And what do they pick? Blue Raspberry. THEN I find myself arguing how that’s disgusting and not a real flavor, when none of them are real flavors, and I realize not only have I lost the battle, but I have lost the war. Kids you win. Put whatever crap you want in the basket and let’s hurry home so you guys can not clean up your messes and argue some more. And the verdict is in. They are disgusting. But I kept breaking off pieces anyway. Like it would get better. It just had to! Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Plus it was 2pm and all I had eaten thus far was the crust of Ells PB&J. #desperate
(*Pop Tarts. I pride myself on them not even knowing what they were until last year, but now the cats out of the bag. Pop Tarts are delicious.)
But this was on the back. And I’m 100% confident it was my fatigue and that made me laugh at this so hard I cried.
Dave 100% came home to a looney bin today. And my lion’s mane does not help my case at all. I’m still waiting TJ Maxx. Me and crazy hair just sitting around…waiting.
But it was kind of a spousal victory when he came home and asked “How was your day?” and I responded with “My hands still smell like cheese vomit, and I’ve washed them like 50 times”. Ain’t NOTHIN’ at work gonna trump catching cheesy barf in your hands, sorry babe.
In all seriousness – Pants was full on choking on a Lifesaver candy. I had to do the Heimlich (thanks 7 years of lifeguard training!) and she finally regurgitated it along with her lunch. You guessed it. Cheese. Mmmmm. Mm! Scary yes. But also annoying because, when did girlfriend forget how to eat candy?
I will say this. After months and months of being halfway potty trained, little Miss FINALLY decided that going #2 on the potty “wasn’t scary” and did it. Months and months of this. I even bribed her with a forbidden Barbie (I haven’t let our daughters have them, until now. Thanks Pants).
Ellsie (indignant with hands on hips): “Mom, she gets a Barbie?! I thought you said we weren’t a Barbie family!”
Me: “When poop is involved, any values or morals I have go out the window. Understand?”
So can I get an “amen” for no more diapers in this house? It’s the small victories people.
That pretty much sums up how we’ve been spending our first week back in UT. It was a nightmare of a weekend getting here (I’ll go in to that another day). But we’re here and semi unpacked – another small victory. I’ve had 3 different neighbors come by with treats, and someone mowed my lawn before we moved in. I think I hit the jackpot. Little do they know I bury my crazy deep, deep down and it only surfaces once in awhile (like cheese vomit!).