The Monday to end all Mondays.

The Monday to end all Mondays.

How bad is the first Monday of the year? I mean really. With all of the goals and the routine and everything getting back to its right and holy place…it sounds good, but let’s be honest, it really just sucks. After weeks of having stocking stuffer treats for breakfast, what am I going to do, just make a bowl of oatmeal and jam it down my throat? And then I’m just supposed to roll off the couch and start working out again. Like, sweat and stuff?


I really had good intentions for Monday, Jan. 5th. I was excited for all the things.

And then this was up until midnight the night before.

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And then again at 3am.

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And then again at 5 am

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I literally had to bury my face in a pillow and scream out of pure exhaustion and rage.

And then someone butt called me an hour before my alarm was set to go off. (It happens a lot when your last name begins with A)

And then my alarm went off, and I remembered how much it sucks to get out of my nice warm bed, into real clothes, not eat chocolate for breakfast, wrestle the chillins, and get everyone off to school. SUCKS.

And Dave left for a business trip.

He sent me a pic of when he landed.



And I had a sty on my left eye. Which looked a) like I got punched in the face or b) like I had a severe allergic reaction. Breathtaking.

As you can surmise, I was fresh, alert and beautiful as I hit the ground running Monday morning.

I had a meeting in the morning, then some grocery shopping. After that I actually came home and changed back in to my pajamas. In which I stayed allllllll daaaaaaaaay looooong. I threw a coat over my jammies when I went to pick up Pres. It had a hood which conveniently covered my gross hair. And of course I still had my sty, so I had to wear my coke bottle glasses instead of contacts. As I sat at the intersection, contemplating if I looked like a hobo that stole a minivan, or perhaps a hobo vampire shrinking in the sun because my coke bottle glasses are so thick they magnified the sunlight and set my retinas on fire.

Anywho. I saw some chick, probably my age, running….for exercise….in the cold….and she seemed happy. I don’t know how she could be, but she seemed to be.

And I immediately hated her, with her stupid fluffly earmuffs and bouncy hair.

This is where the first Monday of the year takes me people. To a very dark place.

But you know what gets me out of that very dark place?

Watching Friends on Netflix until midnight.

Happy New Year!

*sidenote. It’s been a slow uphill crawl since Monday. But the first Tuesday and Wednesday of the year were slightly better. My bathrooms even got cleaned. I know right? It doesn’t take that long, so why is it so hard to clean them regularly?


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